Effervescent.
Effervescent condescension.
Ever present, never mentioned.
Don’t speak up. Just keep it pleasant.
Dare not point out, the quiet weapon.
A happy smile, a happy day.
Behind the clouds, the sun hides away.
From up above, or down below.
You’ll see it there, but can’t watch it grow.
You’ve read the text, you know the sounds.
What happens next is quite profound.
A proctor here, a student there.
A knowledge bud, a flower flares.
A vine inclined between the cracks.
A chance here, no taking back.
A road once traveled can be undone.
Unless time walks beside thee, like falling sun.
A father looks at a boy who grew.
A life once lived, he never knew.
A head fallen into weary hands.
Yet the sun rises each day, and makes no demands.
A warmth within, a warmth without.
Connected - twins. There was no doubt.
The river flows quietly tucked in forests unexplored.
Straight out to sea.
I want it more.
What does it mean to be worthy of leading? To stand in a place where you have answers, and others don’t. Does simply having the answers give you the right?
Do you understand the second and third consequences of your actions?
Do you understand the different ways to approach people?
Ways to coach and lead people?
And beyond any of that, what do you want from taking the lead? Taking the responsibility?
Are you in it for the money? For the praise? The eyes? Are you in it because you like to be in control? Regardless of success or failure, you would rather live and die under your own rule?
Are you desperate for control? Unwilling to follow? Unyielding in your opinions?
Do you want the best for others? Do you care about the outcome?
You see, and maybe this is quite heady for some. But, I think in my life — I have spent a lot of time watching, considering, and doing my best to understand. Before I take the lead. This has lead me to kind of an odd disposition in life, where some would consider me to be a non-entity or weak.
But the certain concoction that has shaped my life and disposition… the clouds are finally clearing, and I’m beginning to realize that sometimes — often, I do have the answer. And deep down, I do want the best for others. In many ways I have destroyed or had my ego destroyed. My desires for things for myself don’t pull me in the defining moments, and I think that gives me comfort in stepping forward when the space asks for someone to stand in it.
But yes, I think it’s very important to consider how you approach things, and the second and third consequences of your actions. Your decisions. I’m not perfect. But I’m not afraid to be wrong for the right reasons, and I’ve made enough decisions in my life to have belief that I have learned how to make better ones.
I have decided that I am content with not much in life. That’s not to say that I won’t go get it for the people I love, or if it is my calling. That is to say that in many ways I feel I have spoiled my lot, and the role I have left to play is that of someone who gives, and not someone who receives too much.
I am rambling a bit, but that also makes me think of how people say that life is just what you think of yourself, extrapolated. A privileged viewpoint.
But, if you’ve made it this far, and you have thought about these things like me, and are considering whether you are a leader as well, or if you are worthy of stepping into that light when your time comes. Then remember, just as you may rise and fall to your expectations of yourself, so do people. So check your biases. Check your assumptions. And try to always see the best in people. I have practiced it many times, and if you just look at it from the right angle, much like in photography. You can see past the rough edges and see someone who is very capable at things other people cannot do like them.
You know how a child’s laughter peaks?
A monumental sound erupts from a little ball of life.
The pitter patter of little feet, and an ear wide grin sat below small, innocent eyes.
Short curly hair, tiny hands.
Bones still forming.
Synapses still forming and connecting.
Specters. Of a long lost lecture.
A lesson learned, but not remembered.
As I try to burn the memories away, the embers turn to me and they say.
Not today.
Not that way.
Do not forget the reason we play.
It is not for shade that we planted the trees.
It was so that they could live happily.
So that they could find the scars that mar your mind and still live in the light.
So that your own days won’t turn into nights.
No matter the blight, or the plight, or how much you have to fight.
No matter the lack of praise or glory or eyes on the story.
Not for love or fame or recognition.
But because there’s a right way,
and so that you can say that you did it.
Stay warm.
DC
